A Letter to Yuval Haiman: Reflections on My Visit to a Soldier’s Funeral

I’m sitting at Har Herzl. I’ve been here before; as part of a day tiyul, on Yom HaZikaron. I’ve walked beside these graves, and strived to connect to the magnitude of the sacrifices made on behalf of the land of Israel and its people. Today’s excursion, though, feels completely different.

Today the pain of war is so fresh, so real. I just attended the funeral of Yuval Haiman, a twenty-one-year-old soldier from Efrat who fell in battle yesterday. I’m searching for the words to express the event, and I can’t think of anyone to address them to other than Yuval.

Yuval, I never had the privilege of meeting you personally. How strongly do I wish that I could have gotten to know you anywhere but here…at your funeral. This morning, I learned so much about the holy life you led. You were the beloved first born. Everyone kept mentioning that you embodied the trait of modesty. I listened to your brother cry about how much he’ll miss your erev Shabbat phone calls. You always comforted everyone else, even in the hardest of times, reassuring them that “hakol y’hiyeh b’seder,” everything will be all right. Your mother expressed that there wasn’t one day that went by that she didn’t tell you how much she loved you. She courageously said that she was sending a hug to the twenty-six other mothers grieving their children today.

I heard your younger sister scream out a true bechi tamrurim, a bitter cry, unlike anything I’ve ever heard before. I’m certain that her tears ascended straight to the heavens. Yuval, your death defies time. You join a legacy of individuals, throughout Jewish history, who were willing to die for the values they stood for. I learned that your beloved great-grandfather was also killed fighting for Israel in the War of Independence.

You gave your life during the three weeks leading up to the destruction of the Beit haMikdash. There have been years in which I’ve felt so disconnected from the suffering of this time period. Today though, the emotions of destruction have returned.

I’ve realized that the best way we can continue what you’ve started is by living the values which you embodied.  May we live and love indiscriminately in your honor. Thank you for reminding me of this invaluable lesson.

Yuval, you are deeply loved and you will be deeply missed.

At the funeral, the words Baruch Dayan HaEmet, Blessed is the True Judge, were countlessly repeated. I know that there is a grander plan; a Divine reason for Yuval’s passing. Today though, the ambiguity of the Truth pains us deeply.

Being in Israel this past summer has been a powerful, eye-opening, and unpredictable journey. I arrived only two days before Eyal, Gilad, and Naftali were kidnapped and have spent the time since obsessively refreshing the liveblog of each day’s ever-evolving escalation of events. As traumatic as it was to run into a shelter upon hearing a blaring siren, as emotional as it was to attend the funeral of a fallen soldier, as heartbreaking it was to attend the shloshim of the boys and remember the lives they could have lived, I have learned this summer that I stand best with Israel when I stand in Israel.