“When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.”
This beautifully constructed and smoothly-flowing sentence was composed by Thomas Jefferson in what went on to become one of the most important documents ever written in recorded human history. Good thing it was written so well because it was a very important document indeed, one that contains within it many such beautiful sentences such as the one quoted above. Over the course of human history there have been many documents composed by venerated human beings, and only a select few are destined to ever become so important and influential as to become quoted in college newspapers, in articles that have nothing to do with these documents themselves, in the hopes that attaching a random quote from the document will make the article itself seem important and worthy of the reader’s consideration.
Like Jefferson’s work, this article has been written to inform the reader of a tremendously important piece of information: this year, unlike the past ten years, there will be a Stern College for Women and Yeshiva College yearbook, fused together into one single piece of literature that will record the many important and historically significant events that have taken place in the two separate-though-connected campuses over the past four eventful years. This yearbook, which is currently in the process of being diligently put together by a select group of talented individuals, will contain within it the only recorded history of the many seniors who will be graduating from these historic halls in June. If successfully completed – because its successful composition is not an easy task and its success is therefore by no means guaranteed – the yearbook will be the only book ever written that contains the pictures and some information about all the seniors of the Yeshiva University graduating class of 2013.
This highly rare book will also contain within it the recorded history of all the professors that impart vast amounts of wisdom in this great university, as well as a section containing valuable information about the many remarkable events that have occurred over the duration of the seniors of 2013’s stay in YU. For those among what is certain to become an extensive readership that relies on photographic evidence for proof that something exists, the yearbook committee is already in the process of amassing an immense amount of rare and highly-valued photos of the many events and proceedings that have taken place these past four academic years. As such, the yearbook is sure to please the eyes with it stunning imagery as much as it will certainly tickle the intellect with its brilliant writing and vivid presentation of life in the largest Jewish university in the Western Hemisphere.
For without this yearbook, one would have no means of knowing who from the class of 2013 was a member of what club or what team, who majored in what and what program they were in, or what outfit they chose to wear on either of the two dates when the portrait pictures were taken. Without this yearbook, the president or deans of this marvelous institution would have no means of composing a letter to the graduating class and the students would have nowhere on which to autograph their friends’ autograph pages. This glorious manuscript will serve as a record keeper for all time of those important pieces of information that will be recorded in the many pages that will encompass the 2013 yearbook.
And in thousands of years, when the earth has long since been blown up in a nuclear war and pillaged by aliens who ship all the surviving humans off to another galaxy for low-paying but physically demanding slave labor, the yellowed and cracked pages of the 2013 Yeshiva University yearbook will remain as a testament to the aliens that choose to remain on earth to start a new life with their families that there was indeed a YU class of 2013 and that their existence was, in fact, important enough to be documented. And someday these aliens will choose to quote a sentence from the 2013 yearbook in their college newspaper in the hopes of gaining the attention of fellow alien classmates so that they will cast their many eyes or feelers or whatever aliens use to read with in the future on the words of their article. We graduating seniors should all feel an immense pride knowing that the words from our 2013 yearbook will someday be quoted in alien college newspapers here on earth.